


Another Try

by Countess_Dorkula



Series: SNK Kink Meme [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, i'm done with this stuff it makes me too sad, yeah more angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 10:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Countess_Dorkula/pseuds/Countess_Dorkula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SNK Kink Meme Fill--Hanji and Levi expected a child, but Hanji's constant stress lead to a stillbirth. Later on, they try again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Try

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this longer than I'd like to and really, I just want to be done. (And Pokemon X did not make it any better. Getting Pokemon has been an awful decision.) Haha. It hurts to write; it makes me too sad. I just want them to be happy. :( Also, slight spoilers for manga, but nothing too big. (Chances are, even if you're anime-only, you've been exposed to some. Yeah.)

The world seemed to shake beneath her feet. It was then that she felt that harsh pain in her lower abdomen. It was the worst possible time for this all to be happening. She had been anxious and a bit moody during the previous weeks as the due date came closer, but as she heard yells of the wall being breached, it was not the time for the baby to be coming and she could not let herself be relieved at thought of it being done and over.

Zoe was in labor. Wall Maria had just been breached. Levi was away on duty. Though it was the Garrison’s duty to deal with wall issues, the Scouting Legion was needed to help with the Titans coming in through the breach, especially with their great deal of experience with Titans. Levi, of course, was needed just as much—more than even—as the other soldiers and as much as she wished he could be there with her as their child came into the world, she knew he was needed more elsewhere.

The labor was surprisingly quick. She had researched so much about pregnancy and expected a long labor with this being her first, but it was strangely short. When she felt the relief of the child being free from her womb, there were no cries; there were no exclamations of the child’s sex from the midwife; there was only quiet. She had read of complications. Perhaps the umbilical cord was wrapped around the child’s neck or maybe there was mucus in its throat or nose.

It suddenly clicked. She had not felt any movement during the last few weeks of her pregnancy. She only assumed it was because of the child’s size, that it had not had much room to move. It was constricted in its home; it could not move much; that had to be the case.

That was not the case.

The midwife looked solemn. She wrapped the child in a blanket, asking if she wanted to hold it. Zoe was hesitant, but took her daughter’s corpse into her arms. The midwife muttered apologies that were just blurred into the background. Zoe’s only focus was on her daughter, her stillborn daughter.

The past forty weeks she had carried the child. She and Levi had looked forward to welcoming it into the world. They had made preparations, prepared the nursery, baby-proofed the house; Levi had done extreme cleaning to ensure the child’s wellbeing. She had gone through so many hard obstacles and it was supposed to be well worth it. The nausea, the aches and pains, the stretchmarks, the growing feet, the irritability, it was all going to be worth it when their child was placed in her arms. Except, everything just felt wrong.

Everything was so quiet until she let out a cry of pain. Her child—her daughter—was dead; she had never been given the chance to see the light of day. There were so many dying souls out there. Why did her daughter have to be one of them?

Zoe Hanji had seen many lives taken before her very eyes. She thought that she should be used to this, the heartache of a dead life. It was different this time, though. This was her daughter that she had grown to love as she grew within her and now it was all over. It had all been for nothing.

The baby was put into the bassinette—the one that had been ready to hold the little girl during sleepless nights where she would cry out in hunger and her mother would gently pull her out to feed her, where she would cry out in loneliness until her father would awake and cuddle her—so that her father could see her before any burial arrangements were made between the childless parents.  
\--  
Levi had gotten word that Zoe had gone into labor. He expected anything but what he came home to find.

It was quiet. He expected that he had missed the child’s birth, but he should have heard it whimpering, its mother gently cooing over it. He expected anything but the deathly quiet. As he made his way to the bedroom, he stood outside the doorway, listening closely to the quiet sobs that she tried to keep under her breath. It was not working very well.

Levi was hesitant as he cracked open their bedroom door. He opened it a couple of inches, taking a peek inside. He felt chills run up his spine as the realization sank into his very core. He expected that Zoe would be propped up in bed, breastfeeding the child. She would be cooing over it, telling it how it had his nose or her eyes. Instead, she was curled up on her side. She faced away from him as she wept.

Their child had not made it.

He was not sure of how it had happened; he only knew that it did. He could see the emotional agony that she was suffering and it started to hit him.

Their child was dead.

He could not even face her after coming home that day. He had no words to say. He wanted to blame her for her body not keeping proper care of their child, for her being so reckless. He wanted to blame himself for not keeping a proper eye on her, for not making sure she had stressed herself less. But in the end, he came to the conclusion that that was the way it had to be. There was no changing what was. Their child had not made it and that was that.  
\--  
It was not long after the wall had been apparently breached for a third time in the past five years that they found that Zoe was pregnant once again. Levi could only figure it had been the night they had gotten drunk and convinced Pastor Nick to finally wed them—which led to drunken, post-marital sex—that they had conceived.

It was not as joyous as the first time had been. It was obvious that both had worries, remembering the last time they had conceived, how it had all seemed fine at first, but ended in heartache. Still, Zoe would not be deterred and would not listen to Levi’s argument of perhaps just aborting the child. 

“The doctors in Wall Sina can safely do it. If that’s what you’d want, I’ll do what I can,” Levi had assured her.

“I’m ready to do it again,” She insisted, “We can only try.”

And, she flashed a bittersweet smile. She was happy about them having another chance at a family, but he could see the pain behind her eyes. She was not over it; he was not, either. If she was going to give it another chance, he would as well.

The second pregnancy was different. It was not long into it that Levi demanded that she take leave. Zoe resisted. She knew her body better than he did, but he would not stand for it and demanded she rest. He was not taking chances this time. She could see the worry behind his eyes and finally gave into it. She, too, was worried, but she did not want to worry more than necessary and perhaps it would be better for their child if she took the time off of work.

Zoe did not enjoy having a lengthy maternity leave, though. Levi tried his best to dote on her this time, to make sure she was comfortable, that everything was okay. She laughed at him, telling him to stop worrying so much. He would only shoot her a glare before continuing with his task.

The second labor was different as well. It was eerily quick like the first had been. It was more relaxing, though. There were no concerns about oncoming Titans from a wall breach and Levi was there to help Zoe through it. It was obvious that both parents-to-be still had anxieties about the birth. Still, they both kept strong. He continuously cleaned her sweat off while also being there for support. She had let the pain get to her head and became irritated with him for caring so much about her hygiene when she was giving birth.

It was completely different this time. As she collapsed back onto him after the final push, a cry was heard from the small, squishy being. The midwife told them it was a boy. Zoe let out a cry of relief, resting her head on Levi’s shoulder, as he watched their son in awe. She breathed slowly, trying to catch her breath, and watched their newborn son as well. The midwife wiped the little boy off and finally set him down on his mother’s chest.

Tears were mixed in with laughs of happiness as she cuddled the little boy close to her. He ran a finger against his cheek, feeling the baby-soft skin.

His son. The child they had longed for for so long was cradled in his wife’s arms and Levi could not be happier. The pain of their first child would not go away, but his love for their second would slowly make it easier.


End file.
